Ellie stood in the small kitchen surveying the expanse of dishes that littered the counter. At forty-two her frame was still spare and lean. Not with the sleekness of a well cared for body, but with the thinness of too little sleep and too many cigarettes. Her hair, once full and gleaming, hung in a limp rope down her back. A few damp strings straggled across her forehead and she occasionally pushed these off to one side of her face with an absentminded gesture. Taking the first plate off the stack of unwashed dishes, she submerged her hands above her wrists in the warm, frothy suds. As her tired soul responded to the comfort of the warm water and the mindless rhythm of her task, a sigh of relaxation whispered past her lips and gently pulled her backward to a time before life became such a grinding chore. A picture of a large dark-haired man with laughing eyes filled Ellie's mind and she began to wander the halls of her youth.
The trees this fall were in full color, thanks to a well-timed cold snap. The air crackled with a fresh crisp scent mixed with the smell of wood smoke from the first fires of the season. Ellie strolled aimlessly down the sidewalk in front of the chemistry building. Her mind wasn't really on where she was headed. She was thinking about that Poli-Sci. paper that was due next week. It was so hard to believe that a little country girl from Carver county was actually here at Dartmouth worrying about political science. Her mama would have been so proud of her. Daddy always thought the boys would be the college graduates in the family. Well, she would show them. And when she got her degree, little Ellie Lou would turn her back on that podunk town and all their country ways and never look back. She sure had no plans of marrying a nice local boy and raising a passel of kids just so she could work herself into an early grave like her mama did.
All these thoughts tumbled through her mind like a runaway train, which is probably why Ellie didn't see Lyle until she nearly knocked him off his feet. Papers and books, hers and his, went every which way. The brisk October wind caught her treasured Poli-Sci. report and blew it to the four corners of the campus and scattered his papers about like someone's tipped over wastebasket. With a cry of exasperation Ellie started to light into this goon for not watching where he was going. Then she looked up into the bluest eyes she'd ever seen. My goodness! He surely was a fine looking specimen of manhood. All thoughts of blame just blew out of Ellie's head, like her papers had blown out of her hands. Lyle was down on his knees almost immediately, trying to gather his books and papers together and save hers at the same time. Words of contrition and apology flowed from his lips as smoothly as the creek flowed in back of Ellie's house down home. As Ellie stood there speechless, Lyle looked up and begin to laugh. He made a comment about never knowing what the fall winds would toss together and Ellie knew that her fate was sealed to this man's forever.
Lyle and Ellie became two halves of one soul. They were never apart for very long. Ellie felt like the air became thin and unable to support life when she was away from Lyle for too long a period. And Lyle felt less than complete without Ellie. With her gleaming rope of honey-colored hair; shy, quick smile; and tiny, lithe body; she reminded him of the little orphaned fox cub he had rescued as a child. When Lyle met Ellie that windy October day, he lost more than a few papers; he lost his heart.
Lyle and Ellie stumbled through their classes waiting breathlessly for the next moment they could shut out the world and be together and the years flew by in a haze of love. Then it was June and graduation was upon them. Lyle had accepted a position in Boston and expected to make Associate fairly soon. Ellie moved with him, and even though she hadn't gotten any offers of employment, felt fairly sure she would be able to find a job doing something. And as soon as Lyle made Associate, they would be married.
After days of searching, the apartment they finally found left a lot to be desired. It was a dingy two room walk-up with leaky plumbing and sporadic heat. But on Lyle's beginning salary, it was all they could afford. And as long as they were together, it seemed like a palace to Ellie. She set about making it as homey as possible, adding bright yellow curtains at the window and on the rickety coffee table she placed fresh flowers in the antique vase she had bought from that quirky little man in the antique bookstore downstairs. Every evening when Lyle came home, Ellie would have a hot meal waiting on the little T.V. tray and a warm bath drawn and ready for him. After dinner, they would lay on the fold-out sofa and talk of their dreams and plans for the future. And for Ellie, laying in Lyle's strong arms was the meaning of each day.
Times were hard and the money was tight. That promotion for Lyle didn't come as soon as expected and Ellie couldn't find work anywhere. Everybody said it was just a matter of time until the country would be back on it's feet, but for Lyle and Ellie that wasn't soon enough. Lyle started coming home later and later. Sometimes he crept in reeking of alcohol after Ellie was already asleep. On these nights, he would sit awake by the sofa and watch her sleeping face by the lights of the street and wonder what he had gotten both of them into. He would notice that the lines he had begun to see etching her face in the daylight were smooth in the peace of a dreamless sleep. And he grieved for the innocence that no longer played about her features.
On one of these nights, Ellie rolled over, opened her eyes and watching his face for the joy she hoped would be there, told him he was going to be a daddy. Lyle's heart leapt, yet at the same time the rational part of his mind cringed at the prospect of another mouth to feed. As Ellie studied his eyes, she saw the joy quickly followed by anguish flood across his face and her soul sorrowed for the unborn child she felt stir in her womb. And while the tears coursed slowly down Ellie's cheeks, Lyle put his head in his hands and gave way to the hopelessness of their situation. And the next day they said their vows before a J.P and his wife.
Each day Ellie's stomach grew fuller and each day the cupboard grew emptier. Finally, accepting that the lack of money would drive them apart as surely as if they had never met, Lyle decided it would be best if he sent Ellie home to her Daddy until the baby was born so they could save a little and the baby could be assured of a roof over it's head. Lyle would stay in the city and try to find a better job. He promised to send for her as soon as things got better. So it was with a deep sadness and despair in her soul that Ellie packed up her yellow curtains and antique vase, along with all her dreams and returned in defeat to Carver county.
The baby was born late in December. The snow lay like a blanket on the whole county and the roads were impassable so Ellie brought her first born into the world alone, with just her daddy to hold her hand. As Ellie's body strained with every contraction, her daddy held her hand and told her that she was born on just such a night and that he had held her mama's hand just like he was holding hers. Eventually Ellie's body gave way to the forces of nature and as the winter winds howled outside the house, her daughter entered the world howling a counterpoint to the storm. She was a pitiful little thing, kind of runty and wrinkled, but to Ellie she was the most beautiful baby on earth. As Her daddy bathed the little girl in warm water and carefully dried her off, Ellie could see that the baby's hair was the color of honey. And when he laid the baby in Ellie's tired arms, she opened her eyes and Ellie saw Lyle looking at her through them. They were the bluest eyes Ellie had ever seen.
As winter tugged spring through the year, the baby grew strong, running all over the farm on her plump little legs. Still Lyle didn't send for them. He wrote regularly, each time telling Ellie next month would be better. The raise would surely be on his next check. And sending her all his love, he would include a few dollars for Ellie to buy a trinket so his baby girl would know her daddy loved her. Since the economy wasn't getting any better, Ellie always took part of that money and squirreled it away in an old cookie tin in the back of the linen closet. She figured when Lyle got on his feet and sent for them, she would use it to buy a new outfit for herself and the baby. She couldn't let Lyle see them in the old clothes they wore around the farm. Besides, when he did send for them, they had to make a good impression on all of his business associates. It wouldn't do for him to be ashamed of his wife and child.
One balmy summer morning, as Ellie sank her hands into the warm sudsy dishwater, she looked out the kitchen window to see a stranger walking up the drive past the mailbox. At first she figured it was one more man looking for a little work to tide him over until he could get a real job. Then she recognized something familiar about the way the man walked and as he squatted down in the drive to scratch the old dog's ear she realized it was Lyle. With a catch in her throat, she slammed out the screen door, ripping the apron from her waist and threw herself into Lyle's arms.
Later that evening lying together in Ellie's narrow girlhood bed, Lyle told her how the boss had come in with his check and told him that the company just had to cut their expenses somehow and since Lyle was one of the junior associates, his position was one of the first to be phased out. Ellie just held him tighter and told him not to worry, they'd get by somehow. And the next morning, Lyle went with Ellie's daddy and begin the hard work of trying to scrape a living out of the hard-scrabble land.
The days passed one by one, inexorably turning into years. And as each year passed Lyle got a little more bent and his eyes got a little more dull. The land was taking it's toll on this man and never gave an inch without a fight. Ellie's heart broke seeing the hopelessness in Lyle's face. And with each passing year, as often happens, more babies came, more mouths to feed and less crops to harvest. Lyle worked hard beside his father-in-law, and somehow, even though it wasn't much, the land always gave up just enough to keep the wolf from the door. And Ellie grew older and sadder. And she often wept for the dreams of her youth and the two young people that thought love would conquer all.
Eventually the old man passed on to his reward and as they lay him in the ground, the burden of the farm fell solely on Lyle's shoulders. Ellie's brother's all had families and troubles of their own and were unable to help keep the farm going. Finally, in desperation, Ellie and Lyle begin to sell off a few acres here and a few there. Ellie was still adding to her little nest egg in the linen closet when she could. Only now, it was earmarked as a way out for the children. Ellie had finally understood that her dreams had died and could only hope her children would be able to fulfill theirs. And one by one, they grew up and left Carver county and the old farm to chase their own rainbows.
With the children gone Ellie and Lyle didn't need as much, so they sold the last of the land except for a few dozen acres. They figured all they needed could be had on these few acres. And every morning Lyle would go tend the animals before going to the field to work the ground. Ellie would stand at the kitchen window and gaze out over the fields and watch the hard work and unyielding land leach a little more life out of her man. And every evening Lyle would fall into bed exhausted and more weathered. Ellie would curl her body around his and stroke his head until he fell asleep. Then quietly slipping out of bed, she would sit in the rocking chair, smoking and letting her mind drift. Life had not dealt kindly with she and Lyle, but at least they had been together. Ultimately Ellie realized that the life her mama had lived was the life she was living. And all things finally come full circle. The morning finally dawned when Lyle could no longer drag his weary body out of the bed and Ellie knew that the land had finally won. Day by day Ellie sat in the rocker by the bed and watched his weathered frame waste away. And as Lyle drew his last shuddering breath, Ellie lay beside him and talked to him of hopes and dreams to ease him over to the other side. Then gently covering his body, she smoothed back his hair one last time and turned to make the calls to the doctor and the children.
Finally, the last dish was done. Lyle was laid to rest and the children and neighbors were all gone. Ellie wiped her hands on her apron, picked up her cigarettes and went to sit in the old rocker by the bed. Closing her eyes with a weary sigh, she slipped into a peaceful slumber filled with dreams of a young girl with honey-colored hair and her blue-eyed man, and of a world where hope still lived.
~Kaj '02
